How does an EFT therapist help with infidelity?

Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) is a widely respected approach for helping couples recover from infidelity, focusing on strengthening emotional bonds and improving communication. EFT views betrayal as a deep wound to the attachment bond, often leaving the injured partners with intense feelings of abandonment, insecurity, and mistrust. Here’s how EFT therapists generally approach this process:

1. Assessment and Stabilization: Initially, the therapist helps each partner express their emotions and gain stability. They acknowledge the betrayal’s impact, allowing partners to explore the painful feelings and understand the affair's effect on their relationship. This phase helps build a foundation of empathy and validation, essential for healing.

2. Identifying Negative Patterns: EFT therapists identify and disrupt negative interaction patterns, such as blame or withdrawal, which may have contributed to disconnection even before the infidelity. They explore each partner’s emotional responses, examining how these cycles have perpetuated distance or conflict in the relationship.

3. Building Emotional Accessibility and Responsiveness: Once patterns are identified, the therapist guides the couple toward emotional vulnerability, teaching them to communicate with honesty and openness. The partner who was unfaithful takes accountability, expressing remorse and reassurance, while the betrayed partner shares feelings of hurt and insecurity. This step allows both partners to feel seen, heard, and validated, a crucial part of restoring trust.

4. Forgiveness and Rebuilding Attachment: Through continued sessions, the therapist helps the couple rebuild their emotional bond, working toward forgiveness and a stronger connection. EFT emphasizes creating new, secure attachment patterns, where each partner feels safe and supported. This deepened bond reduces the likelihood of repeating old cycles and fosters a renewed commitment to the relationship.

Research shows that EFT can be effective in restoring relationships after infidelity, with its focus on fostering secure attachment and mutual understanding. By engaging in this process, couples often report feeling more resilient and emotionally connected even after such a significant challenge​

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​Being the 'best you can be' is really only possible when you are deeply connected to another. ​Splendid isolation is for planets, not people.

— Dr. Sue Johnson

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